There was once a time that I was ashamed of my nose. That poor fully functioning body part had no chance of ever gaining my love. I thought of it as a reject… something that didn’t belong on my body. It taunted me every day, and every day I wondered why I was cursed with such a monstrosity — smack dab in the center of my face.
As a pre-teen I would look through magazines and be unable to spot one single nose that looked like mine. It’s because it was hideous, it had to be. Nobody wanted one in their magazines. I began cutting out the noses of models and taping them to photos of myself to see how I might look with a “regular” nose. It was then that I decided that when I was old enough, I would get a nose job and get rid of this beast for good.
Years of complaining about my unlucky facial feature soon brought my confidence way down. I tried to convince myself that my high school friends maybe didn’t notice it. It was like I was constantly aware of it… of every angle I placed my head to make it appear more “normal”. I felt like if I could keep fooling people by never showing them my profile, maybe they would never know. That’s what I told myself at least. Until that one day when something I heard through the grapevine left me feeling totally exposed and silly for ever thinking I could keep up this game. One of my very best friends had said to another, “she’s pretty, but she has a big nose”.
Dead. I wanted to crawl into a cave and never let my face see light again. ‘That’s it’, I thought, ‘I’m getting a nose job’.
I went home and did all of the research. I looked at disgusting photos of a rhinoplasty that made me feel light headed and after all I had learned, I was terrified. Was this actually something I could do? I mean, I’ve always been anxious about medical stuff and this was huge. Maybe I’ll just be stuck with this damn thing forever. I decided to talk to my mom about it some more.
My mom has the same nose as me. My grandmother had the same, and probably generations of others. She told me that she had also wanted a nose job when she was younger as well but, just like me, after she found out what they do, she decided against it. I started to think that this was never something I could physically put myself through and tried to change my perception of my nose instead.
It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I became okay with the idea of it sticking around forever. I tried to see it as a unique part of myself. One that I only share with my family members… a “big nose club” if you will! It’s something that separates me from all of those perfectly shaped magazine models and helps identify myself. As I grew older, I just started becoming okay with it and really thinking about what a “perfect” nose means anyways.
Why does perfect always have to mean petite, cute, or fit into some type of norm that’s been fed to us by society and media? Everyone wants us to change ourselves to fit into this idea of being something other than how we were born. How can something even be considered “perfect” if we all have to change ourselves to meet its requirements? Perfect should not mean manipulated or altered. That takes away the entire meaning of perfect. Who was the first person to tell us what is the most desirable, or what the best characteristics are to have? WHO DECIDES THAT?!
We do. Because that image of “perfect” is in our own minds. It doesn’t actually exist because there is nothing to compare it to. That girl that you think is perfect in every way sees many imperfections in herself. What one person sees as perfect, another may not. How can it still be perfect if that’s the case?
Fast forward to the present day. I am blogging and started a YouTube channel. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined I would receive comments from readers or viewers stating how they “love my nose” or they “wish they had my nose” which were words that at one point were so alien to me. On the contrary, there are still those that don’t hold back in telling me how I should wear my makeup to make my nose look smaller… I suppose to help me fit back into that idea of the norm?
I no longer care about this wonky nose of mine and although I don’t love it, I’ve accepted it as a part of who I am. It doesn’t bother me anymore because I won’t let it and there is no point. Love it or hate it, I am just being me, and being yourself is the most perfect you can be.
Please note: I have nothing against those that have undergone or are planning to undergo plastic surgery to change their appearance. This is my own story and why I decided against it. In the end, do what you think will make you the happiest and most confident, but do make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.